1 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,036 (Applause and laughter) 2 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:15,708 (Man over PA) It was Malcy. You remember Malcy, of course, he's a close friend of all of us. 3 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,792 Well, he emigrated to Canada and sadly he died out there. 4 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:26,396 He got off the plane and he saw this great big sign that said, "Drink Canada Dry", 5 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:28,436 and he did. 6 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:33,472 Ladies and gentlemen I'd love to stay here all day and maybe even tell a few more jokes. 7 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,439 Some of them might even be new. But I'm too scared somebody might steal them. 8 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,829 Let's get on with the business in hand 9 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,428 and how I would love to get some of that in hand. 10 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,756 Thank you, Andy Galbraith. Come on, let's hear it for Andy. 11 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,916 Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, 12 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,551 the last chance for you and the judges to have a look at our lovely three finalists. 13 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:06,714 Yes. Number 5, contestant number 5, from the heart from the midlands, 14 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,917 Miss Jillian Cosgrove from Birmingham, big hand. 15 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,034 (Harry ) Lovely girl, look at those legs. 16 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:41,633 And now from gay Paris, hoping for a winning holiday, 17 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,633 number 12, Mademoiselle Danielle Aubert. Danielle? 18 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,279 She was engaged to a millionaire like you, Charlie. 19 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,557 - Oh, was she? - Mm-hm. A lot older than you, of course. 20 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,198 Her friend didn't like it. 21 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,829 She said, "What are you doing, chérie? Your fiancé must be 82 years old!" 22 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,751 She said, "What does it matter", 23 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,957 "if someone gives you a cheque for a million you don't look at the dates." 24 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,794 Now, ladies and gentlemen, our shorthand typist from Kingston, Surrey, 25 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:16,634 Miss Christine Bolton. Let's have a big hand for Christine. 26 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,075 Yeah! What a cracker. 27 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,238 (Harry ) Thank you, Christine. 28 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,517 Well, there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, girls. 29 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,637 It's up to the judges now, so let's give them a moment or two. 30 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,551 ( 31 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,153 Have we got a decision yet? 32 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,437 - Have we got our winner? - Yes. 33 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,279 - Right. - Yes, we have indeed. 34 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,477 By a unanimous vote... I come last. 35 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,597 Ladies and gentlemen, this year's Jersey Princess 36 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,639 is number 5, Miss Jillian Cosgrove. 37 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,709 Bastard. Rotten bastard. 38 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,957 (Stair creaks ) 39 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,159 What in God's name happened to you? 40 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,869 - What happened? - He tried to rape me. 41 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,755 Don't just stand there, call an ambulance! 42 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,670 Sorry, Jim. 43 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,598 - When was she sedated? - About half past one. 44 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,114 She gave a statement to Crozier. He was on duty. 45 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,397 Yeah. He gave the case to me, he always gives me the easy ones. 46 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,155 - We had a word with Andy Galbraith as well. - I got his statement too. 47 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,312 The comedian? He wasn't cracking many gags when we saw him. 48 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,870 - If what she says is true, I wouldn't be joking. - Fair enough. 49 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,999 - Has Dennis examined her yet? - Yes I have. Morning. 50 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,389 - You'd better get your head down. - Oh, right. 51 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,517 - Did you manage to get those pills for me? - Oh, yeah. 52 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,352 Great, thanks. 53 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,113 (PA) WiLL Dr Anwar please report to casualty. 54 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,079 - OK, what's the bad news? - Well, she's coming around. 55 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:31,957 Is it rape? 56 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,952 Well, attempted rape is just as bad, isn't it? 57 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,072 She couldn't have inflicted those wounds on herself. 58 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:43,312 Well, if it was self-inflicted, she's made a pretty good job of it. 59 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,152 (Jim ) Right, Christine. 60 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:50,075 You said Mr Galbraith arrived at your room round about midnight, right? 61 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,438 Yeah, he was drunk. 62 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,312 He hadn't been drinking downstairs. 63 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,870 He wouldn't, would he? Too mean to pay bar prices. 64 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,397 He has a bottle in his room for when he gets back from the theatre. 65 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,630 - How do you know that? - He told me. 66 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,678 He started off by asking me to his room for a drink. 67 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,399 You sure you didn't invite him into your room? 68 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,596 - He barged his way in. - Did what? 69 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,716 - Barged his way in! - Are you sure? 70 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,438 Yes. 71 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,676 All right. There's one thing I'm not quite clear about. 72 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,833 You say Mr Galbraith gave his casting vote in the contest to another girl. 73 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:33,357 If he did that, he must have known he'd be out of favour with you to say the least. 74 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,754 And he finds his way to your doorstep, how? 75 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,715 He still fancied me and he fancied his chances. 76 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,918 First he gave me a cock and bull story about wanting to cheer me up 77 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,356 and pretty soon he started trying to make me... 78 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,152 And you, of course, had to fight him off, right? 79 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,959 - He got quite violent. - Did he? 80 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,476 - He didn't have a scratch on him. - So what? 81 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,312 You see my face?! 82 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,599 I remember reading that inside lots of comedians 83 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,830 is a pretty nasty guy trying to get out. 84 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,478 Now I know. 85 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:11,998 (Accordion playing) 86 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:23,391 - (Man ) Mr Galbraith? - Yeah? 87 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,436 A couple of letters for you. 88 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,040 Good morning, ladies, good morning. What? 89 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,076 To Vanessa, my daughter. 90 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,277 Your daughter? What were you, a child bride? 91 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,750 - You've missed Andy, he's gone to the theatre. - It's you I wanted to see, Lil. 92 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,751 It's about Christine. 93 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,435 Staggered in in front of everybody, like a scene from a mafia movie. 94 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,910 - You mean you didn't believe her? - I didn't say that, did I? 95 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,959 Not too good for The Barge's image, though. How is she? 96 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:55,191 She won't be winning any beauty contest for a bit but she's all right. 97 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,713 I want to see her room. 98 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,995 Your lot went over it last night. 99 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,355 I know, but I want to see it again. 100 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,396 What number is Andy in? 101 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:07,189 Same as he has every year, number ten. Hates big hotels. 102 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,159 You didn't by any chance see him last night, did you, before it happened? 103 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:15,916 No, I didn't. You're asking an awful lot of questions about him, Jim. 104 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,676 She booked in a week ago. 105 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:27,231 Did she ever have anybody up here? Girlfriends? Fellas? 106 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,311 Not to my knowledge. 107 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:33,393 - What else are those eyes and ears noticing? - What are you looking for? 108 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:37,632 Any sign of something going on between her and Andy Galbraith. 109 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,870 As far as I'm aware, they hardly spoke. 110 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,199 This could do Andy's reputation a hell of a lot of harm. 111 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,795 We need the girl to stay on the island for another couple of weeks. 112 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,871 We've booked her into a hotel. 113 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,520 There'll be somebody around to pick up her things. 114 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,471 Well, if you hadn't said she was moving, I would. 115 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,916 OK everybody, let's... try this opening. Ready? 116 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,868 Keep it right. Take it from the top. 117 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,116 (Lively music starts ) 118 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,754 A bit slower, a bit slower. 119 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:20,355 never make you cry 120 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:26,350 you can do it if you try 121 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:29,360 Now it's jokesey time, it's jokesey time. 122 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:33,433 Did you hear the one about the charabanc that drew up outside the pearly gates? 123 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,239 St Peter came out and said, "Good morning, everybody." 124 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,995 "Before you go in to meet God, there are two things you ought to know." 125 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,433 "She's black." 126 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:45,559 when I'm feeling low 127 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:50,430 the tears begin to flow 128 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,717 129 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:59,308 130 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:03,075 131 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,311 132 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:14,956 133 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,158 That's better, that's much better! You see, you can do it when you try. 134 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:23,279 If I don't get what I want I'll call a rehearsal every day of the run. 135 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,033 Not if it's coming out of his pocket. 136 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,716 What was that Mr Magic? 137 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:35,118 And what have you got in your pocket? A new trick? It's about time. 138 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:40,913 Hello, hello, hello. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a real live Jersey copper in the house. 139 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:46,597 You can always tell by the way they walk faster than the local traffic. 140 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:52,558 See Jim's feet? Now you see what it as was like the first Monday in the Glasgow empire. 141 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,519 - I'd like a word, Andy. - Yes, sure anything for you, Jim. 142 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,111 In private. 143 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,350 Oh, sure, sure. 144 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,034 OK, everybody, that'll do for this morning. 145 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,271 - It's got to be a joke? - Andy, it is no joke. 146 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,316 I never touched her! 147 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,517 What sort of monster do you think I am? 148 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,718 This has happened to me before, it's happened to all of us. 149 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:22,476 If you're a well-known entertainer, that's an occupational hazard. 150 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:27,270 There was a make-up girl in the TV studio some years ago, when I had a show there. 151 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:31,478 I have no idea what her problem was but she screamed rape. 152 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,788 It's ridiculous! 153 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:39,518 Last year it was a teenager in Aberdeen. Check with the police up there if you like. 154 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,955 There's a bit more to this one, isn't there? 155 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,316 If you mean the beauty contest, you got it all in my statement. 156 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,119 Do you think she was after revenge? 157 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,919 A few days ago, she offered it to me on a plate, 158 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,117 - if I'd made sure she'd won. - Which she denied. 159 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,954 - I told her away, and don't be silly. - It didn't affect the contest? 160 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,031 No, but it obviously affected her, didn't it? 161 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,908 She reckoned she'd blown her chances even before the flesh parade 162 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,072 and I'd maybe taken it out on her. 163 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,754 Now she's taking it out on me. 164 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,117 It's against my principles. I need another drink. 165 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:22,519 You went back to The Royal Barge after the show, and then you went for a walk? 166 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:26,479 Look, Jim, I know I'm supposed to be the funny man, but give us a joke, will you? 167 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,912 - This whole thing's getting far too serious. - Andy, it is very serious. 168 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,154 All right, here it is again. 169 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:42,559 I went to the all-night chemist. I suffer from hay fever very badly this time of year. 170 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,677 I have a prescription for some antihistamine pills. 171 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:50,151 - Then you went for a walk around again? - For a while. I was thinking about the show. 172 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,798 - (Knock on door) - Come. 173 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,836 - There you are, Jim. - Hi, Dennis. 174 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,592 Who is this? 175 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,114 Dr Lejeune. Dr Lejeune, Andy Galbraith. 176 00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,758 This is the police doctor. 177 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:04,277 I'm sorry, Andy, but we need some samples from underneath your fingernails. 178 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,635 Oh. Free manicure. That can't be bad. 179 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,592 You mean that little dark girl, who was runner-up? 180 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,837 Yeah, little bitch is trying to make a name for herself. 181 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,071 - By accusing you of rape?! - That's right, Charlie. 182 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:21,676 Andy Galbraith, your friendly local sex maniac. "With a leer and a song." 183 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:26,157 - I can almost see the headlines. - This is appalling! 184 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,549 Are you sure you still want to play? 185 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:32,349 Since when did a wee matter of rape interrupt a game of golf? 186 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:37,991 Oh! Made a right hash of that one. 187 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:42,471 I'm not surprised. I don't know how you can play with that on your mind. 188 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,358 What's on my mind, Charlie, is a good lawyer. 189 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,398 Have mine, Roger Dubree. Best on the island. 190 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:55,156 Surely, won't the police just drop it, once they've established that she's a liar? 191 00:15:55,240 --> 00:16:00,872 The trouble is, if any of this gets out in the meantime I'm worried about the box office. 192 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,598 Yeah, so am I. 193 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,752 - That's why I thought I better tell you. - Tell me what? 194 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,515 You know the copper on the case, Jim Bergerac. 195 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,794 Sorry, Jim, I was on the phone. What can I do for you? 196 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,599 I was hoping you might be able to help me, Harry. 197 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,676 Yeah? 198 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,876 - Hello. - Hi. 199 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:53,112 This is, Jill, Jillian Cosgrove, our new Jersey Princess. 200 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,838 Congratulations. 201 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:58,435 We were just going over our itinerary. Thank you, Jill. 202 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,478 See you later, darling, pick you up at seven. 203 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:09,549 - Getting the works, is she, Harry? - The hours I put in, Jim. 204 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,029 Oh, yeah, I bet. 205 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,749 - It's about Christine Bolton. - Yeah, it's a small island, I had heard. 206 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,671 - What have you heard? - Rumours. 207 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:22,356 Somebody slapped her about a bit. Face cuts, assault, stuff like that. 208 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,477 Yeah, that's right. Let's talk about the beauty contest. 209 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:28,438 Yeah. Why do I do it, eh? 210 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,159 There's always dramas, Jim, before and after. 211 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,993 - You with me? - Yes, I am. 212 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,355 Yesterday's contest wasn't fixed, was it? 213 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,036 Absolutely not. 214 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,350 You seem to have got a few perks though. 215 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:46,150 - I'm not breaking the law. - No, I just want some background information. 216 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,198 I wasn't voting, remember, Jim, I was emceeing. 217 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,589 You're not suggesting it was rigged? 218 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,717 I just want to know if somebody got at those judges. 219 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,313 Why didn't you ask them? 220 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,312 - (Children laughing) - (Gasps ) Oh, no! 221 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,388 Can't be! It is! It is.. 222 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,391 A bunny rabbit! 223 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,438 - (Children boo ) - (Magician ) A bunny rabbit! 224 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:15,753 You want a real rabbit at these prices? Why didn't you say so? 225 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,434 Shazam alakazam! 226 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,152 - (Children gasp) - There you are! 227 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,154 Thank you very much, boys and girls, 228 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,789 you've been a wonderful audience. Thank you very much. 229 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:34,908 Don't applaud, just throw money. Thank you, very much. Bye-bye, everybody. 230 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,910 - You're the copper who was at the theatre. - That's right. 231 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,833 You've been over here for several summers, haven't you? 232 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,070 - More years than I care to remember. - Yeah? 233 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,551 - You must know Andy Galbraith quite well?. - As well as I need. 234 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,796 That's a good trick! 235 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,871 - Fancy a nip? - No, thanks. Never drink a prop. 236 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,428 Have that then. Forgot to give it to one of the kids. 237 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,476 Oh, thanks a bunch. 238 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:15,430 - How's the show going? - Well, so far the box office is good, 239 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,910 which means our favourite comedian will be stashing it away. 240 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,675 Makes himself a nice fat fee and the rest of us just about eat. 241 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:26,036 - Andy Galbraith owns the show? - Yes, him and his Jersey backers. 242 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:29,908 The directors of the theatre. That's where all the gravy goes. 243 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:35,028 - Why did you agree to do it then? - Not a lot of work these days, mate. 244 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,076 Is the same true for Andy Galbraith? 245 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,833 Oh, he's not worried, he's made his pile. 246 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,911 Nice house, a couple of acres. 247 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:46,437 He spent years ripping off supporting artists like me. Mugs. 248 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,476 In the old days, he wasn't so bad. 249 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,313 Him and his missus, Hilda, used to do a double act. 250 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,072 I remember her, she was a singer, wasn't she? 251 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,469 That's right. Singer, real doll. 252 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:59,439 Always made sure there was a few quid extra if it had been a good week. 253 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,991 When she disappeared, the bonuses disappeared into his pocket. 254 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,832 Always leave 'em laughing. 255 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,593 Always leave them short, that's his motto. 256 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,392 Present for you. Jaws I and Jaws II. 257 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,638 - What's the bribe for this time? - What's this? 258 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:26,633 - Is that Pitman shorthand? - Mm-hm. It's neater than mine. 259 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,598 - Can you read it? - Might be personal. 260 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,069 Well, that's all the better. Go on. 261 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,469 It's a series of lists. 262 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,198 What do you mean? Shopping lists? 263 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,473 No. Was it written by the girl who was attacked? 264 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,189 Yes, Christine Bolton. 265 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:53,030 It's the kind of things judges ask in beauty contests. 266 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:57,272 Here, under chief interests, she writes, 267 00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,511 "cars, discos, films and holidays." 268 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,635 Then she substitutes "cars" and "discos" 269 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:08,156 for "sailing and reading historical novels." 270 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:13,030 And under ambition, she starts off, "To be a beautician", 271 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:16,669 and changes that to "Would like to do social work." 272 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,553 - That's new, isn't it? - What's all that about? 273 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,393 It's very interesting, "Building the right image". 274 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,471 Or cleaning up your act. 275 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,120 I think you both know Roger Dubree? 276 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,191 - Jim, Barney. - Roger. 277 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,989 Mr Dubree is here about the allegation against Andy Galbraith. 278 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,833 Who put you onto this one? Charlie Hungerford? 279 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:42,198 Does it matter? The point is, what have we got so far? 280 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,032 Inquiries are still continuing. 281 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:47,396 I see. Which means you've got nothing. 282 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:52,190 I think I'll be the judge of that. Barney? 283 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,477 One person's word against another. Very difficult. 284 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,516 Especially for my client. 285 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,319 Do you have any idea what would happen to Mr Galbraith 286 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:04,188 should an inkling of this trumped up charge against him become public? 287 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,316 Rog, there's been no charge yet. 288 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,870 Accusation. It could kill his summer show, a family show! 289 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,953 We're running an investigation, not an advertising campaign. 290 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:20,274 I'm urging that this matter be cleared up quickly. The chief agrees. 291 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:24,875 Perhaps I should say, he appreciates the risks involved. 292 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,156 Yes. Yes, I think we all realise the risks 293 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,916 and we appreciate that a lot of people's livelihood could be at stake. 294 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,753 Any delay, whatever the reason, goes against us. 295 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:40,150 Now if there is a case it better be damn good, and you better be quick, 296 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,232 or my next meeting will be with the solicitor general's office. 297 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,788 We're not exactly sitting around on our arses. 298 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,111 Maybe not, but I think the chief understands. 299 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,078 If any mud were to stick unjustly on my client over this, 300 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,232 he'll be advised to go for substantial damages. 301 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,357 Thank you for your time. Good day, gentlemen. 302 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,869 - He's trying to hassle us. - Lack of evidence, Jim. 303 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,555 - I read the files this morning. - (Knock on door) 304 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,276 I thought I'd pop in to let you know. 305 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,590 Galbraith's fingernails are clear. 306 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,477 100% carbolic. 307 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,711 Then his cousin arrives, you see, and he says, 308 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:36,076 (Indian accent) "Patoo, here is what you must do." 309 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:40,995 "You go to the manpower office and tell them you want a lovely job on the bus." 310 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:46,154 So he goes to the office and says, "Please, I am very much wanting to be a conductor." 311 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,038 So they nailed him to a chimney. 312 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,953 Oh, Harry, give us a minute, will you? 313 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,076 They've got nothing, no proof. 314 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,390 Well, not against me, how could they have? 315 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,835 What about the girl?. Nothing on her, no dirt? 316 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:09,119 Well, if they did have any doubts about her, they didn't reveal as much to me. 317 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,312 Whose side are they taking? 318 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:19,077 Seeing the chief was one thing and I did go somewhat against my better judgment but, er, 319 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,515 guessing attitude is another. 320 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,670 Hm. 321 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,639 - Jim Bergerac will play it fair, I hope. - He usually does. 322 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,156 Mind you, if there's the slightest shred of evidence against you, 323 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,277 - you better watch it. - No fear of that. 324 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:38,397 Hey. This fella joins the police force. 325 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:42,519 And after a few months his friend says, "What's it like?" He says, "It's not bad. 326 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,591 "The shifts are all right, pay's quite good." 327 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,956 "But the marvellous thing is, the customer's always wrong." 328 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,597 Until he gets a good lawyer to defend him. 329 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:05,596 Sergeant Bergerac? 330 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,433 You're not Sergeant Bergerac, are you? 331 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,794 And no smoking in here, please. 332 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,669 I know coppers see 'em all, but you should see some of the weirdoes who get in here. 333 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,876 - Yeah, I bet. - Drug addicts. 334 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,758 Nutters for anything from corn pads to medicine. 335 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,515 - Did you find it? - Oh, yes. That's Mr Galbraith's prescription. 336 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:34,479 Thanks. Do you remember him coming in here last night? 337 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,233 - Vaguely. - You must have recognised him, 338 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,515 he's a famous comedian. 339 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:44,879 I've been doing this night job for over 20 years. I'll catch up when they bring in breakfast telly. 340 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,315 What time did he come in? Around midnight? 341 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,077 - Well, it could have been. - Yeah, all right, thanks. 342 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,758 Do get trouble with that junkie? 343 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,513 No. He's for corn pads. 344 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,789 This is the drug prescription. 345 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,078 Oh, I give up. 346 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,912 Good night, and thanks. 347 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:24,156 - Oh, thanks, Lil. - You're up early this morning. 348 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,992 Yeah, couldn't sleep. 349 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,275 Hope it wasn't a guilty conscience. 350 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:32,989 No. No, I traded mine in a long time ago. 351 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:39,351 - You know Jim Bergerac pretty well, don't you? - Yes. 352 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,273 Any idea of what he makes of this rape rubbish? 353 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,949 I wouldn't know. I'm not sure I'd tell you if I did. 354 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,235 Me, I'm strictly on the fence. 355 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,436 And on the shelf too, I suppose. 356 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,272 Criminal waste. 357 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,510 Eat your breakfast before it gets cold. 358 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,119 Andy, come here. 359 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,678 You wanna watch it, darling, over these rocks. 360 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,910 Especially with a pair of legs like yours. 361 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:03,118 - What do you want? - We could break your leg, quite easily. 362 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,350 - Who are you? - Never mind. 363 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,318 - We know who you are. - A little tart! 364 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,595 Causing a friend of ours aggravation. 365 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,274 - Not to mention anxiety. - Telling wicked lies. 366 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:14,475 Let me go! 367 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,790 Make sure you understand, darling, 368 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:21,556 you tell the police how you made it all up and then get off the island. 369 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:25,030 The next time, you'll be right out of the beauty business. 370 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:33,429 - Here you are. Take a swig of that. - Thanks. 371 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:38,668 Two men in their mid 30s you said, right? 372 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:42,958 A couple of heavies. He must have paid them to do me over. 373 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,271 - Have you been back to The Barge? - Have I hell?. 374 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,354 - Not even last night? - Not even last night! 375 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,351 Why do you ask? 376 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,796 Somebody painted something on Andy Galbraith's car. 377 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,509 - So what did it say? - Just one word. 378 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,830 "Rapist". 379 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,559 If he's blaming me for that, that's why he sent those thugs. 380 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,918 - We can't be sure of that, can we? - Who else would do it? 381 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,754 There's no sign of them. We've searched the rocks for half a mile. 382 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,832 They wouldn't hang around here, would they? 383 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,155 Don't tell me you think I made this up too? 384 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:23,392 - No witnesses. - How long do I have to stay on this island? 385 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,789 We won't keep you any longer than we have to. 386 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:30,874 - And you still haven't arrested Andy Galbraith? - Same problem, lack of a witness. 387 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,953 If there had been any witnesses, he wouldn't have tried to rape me. 388 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,476 It's the same old story, isn't it? A girl complains she's been attacked 389 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,279 and you lot make her suspect number one! 390 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:45,672 Christine, I know how it must seem to you. Justice isn't being done, is it? 391 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,069 No it bloody isn't. 392 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,436 If he is guilty, his joking days are over, all right? 393 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,798 (Gangster accent) Don't move, this is a stick-up. 394 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:07,438 - Hi, Jim. - Hello, Andy. 395 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,830 Just off to see the orphans. If my jokes don't work, this lot will. 396 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,071 - You wouldn't like to come along? - No thanks, Andy, I'm busy. 397 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,799 Busy sorting out that dangerous little cow, I hope. 398 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,314 It's not proper for me to be speaking to you. 399 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,356 Why? We're good friends. 400 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:25,194 That's the trouble with the police, they're becoming too impersonal. 401 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:29,319 Andy, somebody tried to do over Christine Bolton this morning. 402 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,072 How do you mean? 403 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,276 They were big, and they leaned on her. 404 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,869 Rough stuff, eh? Who were they then? 405 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,278 Nobody knows. 406 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:44,354 But if you thought Christine did your car over, it's a way of getting back at her. 407 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,591 - Is that what she thinks? - Makes sense. 408 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,990 If she'll lie about me and her, she'll lie about anything. 409 00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,878 On the other hand, if she was threatened... 410 00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:00,958 You're beginning to sound like a feed handing me a cue for a punch line. 411 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,395 Only it's not funny any more. 412 00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:07,359 Me, hire and a couple of heavies? That's a laugh in itself. 413 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,792 If they existed they might just happen to be a some my fans. 414 00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:16,429 Now if you will excuse me, I must just be on my way. 415 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,672 (Barney ) Jim... 416 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:25,273 Come and listen to this. 417 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,193 Hello, Harry. 418 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,316 Tell the sergeant, Mr Rousseau. 419 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,949 Last night I was... entertaining the new Jersey Princess. 420 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:38,352 - Oh yeah. Her diary, was it? - She asked who you were. 421 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,830 I mentioned the rumours she'd heard a bit too, that it was rape. 422 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:44,593 I didn't say that. 423 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:49,276 OK, but the princess said if any bloke was being held responsible, 424 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,476 there's a few things you ought to know. 425 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,276 Such as? 426 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,079 Two girls were quite close in the early rounds. 427 00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,072 Christine said she wasn't a shorthand typist any more 428 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,993 and that she didn't live with her family. 429 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:06,072 So all that cosy biog stuff goes for a burton, don't it? 430 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:07,479 Go on. 431 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,109 Neither is she the innocent little virgin that she made out. 432 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,394 That doesn't necessarily count against her. 433 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,995 Maybe not. But she also said that she worked some place in London 434 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,833 where it was a poor night if she didn't make 50 quid. 435 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,075 - (Knock on door) - Yeah? 436 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,194 - Oh. Hello, Jim. - Hello, Charlie. 437 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,352 - Unexpected pleasure. - Yeah. 438 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,959 Oh, are you going somewhere, Jim? 439 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:59,079 - You should have been a detective. - I couldn't afford it. 440 00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:02,038 I don't suppose you'd have a drink about? 441 00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,315 Of course not, now that your French girl's gone. 442 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:08,552 I've got to catch the London plane, so tell me what you want. 443 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,756 I gather Roger Dubree talked to you? 444 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,877 Yes. And Andy Galbraith, and now you. 445 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,599 - You're way out of line. - Come off it! 446 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:20,992 When a man's reputation is at stake, and a man like Andy, who's practically one of us. 447 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:25,471 Well, he wouldn't run the risk of playing the fool with a girl like that. 448 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:29,553 - You're giving him an alibi? - No, he wouldn't stoop to that. 449 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,312 I should hope not. 450 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:35,949 Anyway, why are you off to London in the middle of all this? 451 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:39,794 - You know you can't ask questions like that. - Why not? I'm concerned! 452 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,111 What, about Andy? Or whether the show might have to close? 453 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,552 Well, I've got a few shares... 454 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:47,756 You own half the theatre to be exact. 455 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,195 You're just frightened of losing your top liner. 456 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,032 Couldn't get a replacement. 457 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:56,237 Any comedian worth his salt is in some other show by now. 458 00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:59,710 I'm sorry, but that, as they say, is showbiz. 459 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:21,838 460 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,833 461 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:33,235 Night Birds, with the Love they bring 462 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:38,358 463 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,398 464 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,153 465 00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:49,631 466 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:00,273 What's Chris been up to? 467 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,033 - As if I didn't have a hunch. - What hunch would that be, Mr Houghton? 468 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:04,519 - Lee. - Lee. 469 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:08,036 - Do you want a drink? On the house? Kate? - No thanks. 470 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,475 I'll just enjoy the view, on the house? 471 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:12,915 Just a bottle of water. 472 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:15,876 Been a bad girl, has she? 473 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,349 She had some naughty habits when she was here. 474 00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:22,399 Pity. We had a thing going for a time. But I had to lose her. 475 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,916 - Wasn't she one of your attractions? - I'll say. 476 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,991 You ever clocked that figure on her? 477 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:33,200 No, it was her nimble fingers that was the trouble. Wallets. 478 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,989 I used to have to make her give 'em back. 479 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:42,438 If the punters are penniless because she's taking their loot, how will I earn a living? 480 00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,588 - Stands to reason, doesn't it? - Fair is fair. 481 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,433 And you, of course, never rip the punters off? 482 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,550 What sort of question is that, coming from a cop? 483 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,949 Are they all like this over in Jersey? 484 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:59,271 Can I ask you a straight question, cos I need a straight answer. 485 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:02,513 Try me. 486 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,273 Christine, was in a beauty line-up in Jersey 487 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:09,751 and she reckons some joker got carried away afterwards and tried to rape her. 488 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:17,669 Plenty of guys would want to lay her, but they wouldn't get very far. 489 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,716 She's a toughie. 490 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:23,509 But even the tough girls get raped sometimes, don't they? 491 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,431 Then it all depends on the fella. 492 00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:28,717 - What about him? - On the face of it, he doesn't look the type. 493 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:34,557 So, what... you think Chris is pulling some kind of stunt for money? 494 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,398 As far as I can see, money doesn't come into it at all. 495 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:44,029 Well in that case, it doesn't sound a bit like her. 496 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,872 You check closer on the bloke. 497 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,951 (Man over radio ) BBC Radio Oxford, we're on 95.2 MHz VHF... ' 498 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,674 (Jim ) I was just passing and I saw the board. 499 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:15,230 (Woman ) I'm afraid you might be wasting your time. 500 00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,276 Thanks for showing me around anyway. 501 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:22,275 The for sale sign should have been down. We accepted an offer two weeks ago. 502 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,079 Mind you, we've been let down once or twice. 503 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:30,314 - How long has the house been on the market? - For about three months now. 504 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,472 We're moving to somewhere smaller, going back to Scotland. 505 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:38,429 - Ah, yes. Don't I know that face? - That's my husband. 506 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,431 That's Andy Galbraith, isn't it? 507 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,910 Yes, he's in the Channel Islands, doing a summer show. 508 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:48,278 - He's leaving you to look after the sale? - Andy always leaves things like that to me. 509 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,157 I suppose he is away a lot. 510 00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:52,196 Whether he is or whether he's not. 511 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,271 Would you like to see the garden? 512 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,316 Yes, yes, I would, please. 513 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:04,675 To tell the truth, Andy hasn't been getting a lot of work these days. 514 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,638 That's why we're selling the house. 515 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:10,075 Not that I should be telling you! 516 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:13,436 Don't worry. I'm not going to take advantage. 517 00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:15,476 (Piano playing) 518 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,319 (Applause ) 519 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:34,750 Thank you very much. You have been the best matinee audience we've had all day. 520 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:40,231 May I just welcome, there's a big party in from Birmingham today 521 00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,551 she's here with her husband, who's just a little fella. 522 00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,996 (Phone ringing) 523 00:39:47,240 --> 00:39:48,878 Yes? 524 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,350 Oh, it's you Mrs Galbraith. How are you? 525 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,156 Yes, he's just coming off now. 526 00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,517 Well, if you hang on, I'll put you through in a minute. 527 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,556 We hope we'll see you next time. 528 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,950 - In the meantime, don't forget... - (Piano introduction ) 529 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,554 530 00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,473 531 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:19,274 532 00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,152 (Phone ) 533 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:29,429 Yeah? 534 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,556 Andy, are you OK? You haven't phoned for two nights. 535 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,757 Oh, crikey. Yes, I'm sorry about that. 536 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,718 I've been busy. You know, problems with the show. 537 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,078 A right lot in the company this year, gangsters! 538 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:46,789 - You sound tired. - Well, I'm knackered. Two shows today. 539 00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:48,916 Sure you don't want me to come over? 540 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:53,949 Ah... No, no, don't do that, you've enough to occupy you there. 541 00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:55,996 (Knock on door) 542 00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:00,073 Look, love, I've got to go, some people have just come round. 543 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,268 Well, what's the score? Any news? 544 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,671 Unfortunately, our friend Bergerac is like a dog with a bone. 545 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,716 He always bloody well was. 546 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,392 - Lee! - Hi, Chris. 547 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:38,471 What the hell are you doing here? 548 00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,755 Well, well. Isn't this nice? 549 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,674 What are you doing in Jersey? 550 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,228 Felt like a bit of sea air and sunshine. 551 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:52,074 - It's so unhealthy at the club. - Who told you? 552 00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,116 Thought you might need some help. 553 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,274 This comedian really jump on you then? 554 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,316 Not you too. 555 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,477 I don't get it, Chris. 556 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:12,838 You haul him into court, get him found guilty, but what do you get out of it? 557 00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:16,629 - They'll put him away. - That's a stupid game. 558 00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:18,278 Why? 559 00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:22,672 Poor little Miss Innocence gets attacked by a villainous comic. 560 00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:26,799 It's a scandal. You get a bit of public sympathy, but what else? 561 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,553 (Camera clicking) 562 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,189 Make him pay a price for you to drop it. 563 00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:41,398 - Would he? - I bet he's shaking in his baggy pants. 564 00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:46,393 Must worth at least five grand to him. 565 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:49,552 Leave it to me. Half each, OK? 566 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,036 So that's it, then? 567 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,839 There's nothing there really to go on, is there? 568 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:03,198 You found out that the girl isn't as pure as the driven snow but who is these days? 569 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,271 She's also a thief and a liar. 570 00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:09,433 Maybe, Jim. But flaws do not count as hard facts. You know that as well as I do. 571 00:43:10,720 --> 00:43:13,632 You say Andy may be broke but so are many other people, 572 00:43:13,720 --> 00:43:15,870 it doesn't make them go out and commit rape. 573 00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:19,999 No, there's no way. You go to court with that the way it stands 574 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:22,196 and Roger Dubree will wipe the floor with you. 575 00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:29,679 Let's forget it. Tell Christine Bolton to go home and let Andy Galbraith get on with his funnies. 576 00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,115 Not that I think he's very funny, never have. 577 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,794 (Chorus singing in theatre ) 578 00:43:50,240 --> 00:43:53,596 Been listening to your act. Very good. 579 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,990 Who the hell are you? How did you get in here? 580 00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,469 I'm going to do you a big favour, Andy. 581 00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:01,869 You don't mind if I call you Andy? 582 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:06,112 Just what's your game? 583 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:15,673 - Know him? - That is Lee Houghton. Christine's ex. 584 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,830 Runs a topless joint where she worked. 585 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,151 - You tipped him off? - It could be very interesting. 586 00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:23,595 Wilson followed him to the theatre. 587 00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:28,117 - What are you up to, Jim? - Why don't we just wait and see, all right? 588 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,836 Never mind why, Hilda. 589 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,912 Just open the box and bring me the big brown envelope. 590 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,309 You're in some kind of trouble, aren't you? 591 00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:40,598 Just bring me the envelope. There's a plane in a couple of hours. 592 00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:52,589 - Just lost a race or something? - Gee gees are not for me, Lil. 593 00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,353 Even my rocking horse broke a leg when I was a kid. 594 00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:59,149 - Have another drink. - Just the merest. 595 00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:04,473 Oh, erm... What's Charlie Hungerford's number again? 596 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:10,876 - (Charlie ) You can't be serious! - You haven't heard it all yet. 597 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:17,115 Whatever my interest in the theatre, or the show, I do urge you not to. 598 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,668 It's tantamount to admitting you're guilty. 599 00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:23,799 - I'm not asking for your advice. - Well I'm giving it. 600 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,839 What makes you think those cheap jacks will keep their promise? 601 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,639 Look what that girl has done to you already. 602 00:45:30,720 --> 00:45:32,836 This is to settle matters. 603 00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:37,914 I want you to put a word in the right ear. Yeah? 604 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:50,269 (Drum roll) 605 00:46:56,960 --> 00:47:02,159 606 00:47:03,240 --> 00:47:08,678 607 00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:21,799 to the moment I've been waiting for 608 00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,236 609 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:28,670 610 00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:32,799 611 00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:39,668 - Very incognito, aren't we? - Skip the patter. Here. 612 00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:45,156 613 00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:48,232 - Must be like giving your own blood. - Yes. 614 00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:52,399 615 00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,120 Worth it, though, to keep the show running. 616 00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:03,192 when you're here next to me 617 00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:07,717 I love you, I love you 618 00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:09,836 619 00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:13,799 you can make me smile 620 00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,553 621 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,677 - They've got them in there. - Right. 622 00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:05,355 - It makes no difference! - Of course it does, don't be so bloody stupid! 623 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:09,479 - He tried to rape me, that's the truth! - You and the truth have grown apart. 624 00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:12,677 Nobody's gonna believe a word you say now, are they? 625 00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,428 - Forget it, Chris. - It was your bloody idea! 626 00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:21,069 The only prosecution you've ensured is you own. For extortion! 627 00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:23,351 - Wilson? - Yes, sir? 628 00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:24,793 Take them down to the office. 629 00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:37,078 Hello, Hilda, nice to see you in Jersey again. 630 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:38,513 Nice to be back. 631 00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,876 - Thought you'd be at the theatre. - No, I know all the jokes by heart. 632 00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:46,074 So glad the police finally arrested that girl. 633 00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:51,518 - What girl?. - Christine Bolton. Jim just told me. 634 00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:55,149 - Jim? Who's Jim? - Sergeant Bergerac. 635 00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:57,196 He's over there. 636 00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:11,509 Oh, yeah, lost his keys again! 637 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:18,791 That was an underhand trick at the house. 638 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:28,669 I'm sorry, Mrs Galbraith. I was just trying to be discreet. 639 00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:31,515 - Attempted rape? - It's all over now. 640 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:34,034 Asking for money put an end to the whole thing. 641 00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,753 You think so? 642 00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:40,115 Er... Why don't you take a seat. 643 00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:45,392 Inspector Crozier, this is Mrs Galbraith. Mrs Galbraith, Inspector Crozier. 644 00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:48,597 Would you like a drink? Lil?. 645 00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,310 What are you trying to say, Mrs Galbraith? 646 00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:59,876 - There'll be others. - How do you mean, "others"? 647 00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:02,713 It's happened before. 648 00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:06,910 Last time it was in Australia. 649 00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,472 You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? 650 00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:14,915 At first, I believed him. 651 00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:22,916 Andy is a very persuasive liar, you know, everything with a joke and a smile. 652 00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,116 Then one day... 653 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,914 somehow I just knew it was him. 654 00:51:33,720 --> 00:51:36,712 He's sick. He needs some sort of treatment 655 00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:41,316 but I never had the courage to do anything, not even to leave. 656 00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,480 I suppose it's my failure too, isn't it? 657 00:51:53,240 --> 00:51:55,913 I mean, when your husband has to... 658 00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:08,911 You know a wife can't be asked to testify against her husband. 659 00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:12,676 (Jim ) Unless she wants to. 660 00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:16,829 Are you willing to do it? 661 00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,350 It's for his own good... 662 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,954 before he really injures somebody. 663 00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:26,679 (Musical introduction ) 664 00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:04,360 Thank you, very, very much, ladies and gentlemen. 665 00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:07,830 You have been a remarkable, wonderful audience. 666 00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:11,037 If you enjoyed the show, please go and tell your friends, 667 00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,634 if you haven't, please keep your big mouth shut. 668 00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:17,036 Whatever you do, remember... 669 00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:22,880 never make you cry 670 00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:27,269 671 00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:45,230 You know, my friends would always describe me an exemplary character. 672 00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:48,232 I don't drink or smoke, I don't go out with other women, 673 00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,392 I get up very early, take a lot of exercise, 674 00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:55,029 I work very hard and they don't pay me very much. 675 00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:59,591 My, God, all that's gonna change just as soon as I get out of jail. 676 00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:01,272 (Laughter)